With so many words only

The challenge was to write a story with 150 words only including the title. Below is what I have written.

At the Doctor

‘Please sit down. How have you been?’

He is young, and is wearing a pacifying smile.

‘My chest hurts. It rattles each night like an empty coffin. There is nothing in it. I try to fill it with poetry and flowers but it will not have it. I need something to fill it in.’

‘Are you taking your medications every day like we agreed?’

He is leaning forward now, trying for an eye contact.

‘I am already dead. I know that because my mother planted pink and white roses on the small patch of dirt under an old walnut tree in our garden. The tree was there before the war and my brother and I used to play under it. A sniper took him down outside the bakery on our street. He was running in front of me. I never stopped.’

‘We will need some more tests.’

 

Roses

 

 

Author: Daniela

Reader, Writer, Mother, Freethinker, Habitual Day Dreamer, Blogger - Sharing Ideas, Poetry, Prose, and Conversations on the Lantern Post!

25 thoughts on “With so many words only”

  1. Very touchy story sad yet fills the senses .Emptiness,the pink roses,the garden ,the memory of a brother.Can the Doctor have the cure?( the story met the challenge) Regards.jalal

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  2. Na ovome se cijeli roman može napisati. To je ona kap u kojoj je sve što treba za cijelo more. Sažeto, a potiče na razmišljanje. Stotine se pitanja u trenutku stvore.
    I baš mi se sviđa!
    Pozdrav tebi s drugog kraja svijeta🙂
    Robert

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  3. Two people speak past each other; one logically, one emotionally. A great opening for a novel. There is so much laying just underneath the conversation.
    Thanks once more for sharing your great insight and writing with us.

    Like

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