Kaleidoscopes and Tool Kits

Kaleidoscope over my ‘toolkit’
Kaleidoscope over my ‘toolkit’

It was a Saturday morning and this is what really happened. I promised myself to exercise restraint over excessive blogging. You know; to be reasonable. To take time to shower, clean the house, buy groceries, eat fruit. Go for a walk. You know how it is. Even the industrial quantities of Lavaza coffee, Lindt chocolate and Brown Brother’s Crouching Riesling can only last for so long. Too embarrassed to mention Marlboro.  And too old to care.

But this is what happened. Francis Lai’s ‘Love Story’ was on, as it mostly is. Pre-spring sunshine rushed through my windows like an over excited puppy. Going to have a peek only … not touching the Lantern, only the Reader to see what fellows are writing about. Honest. Here comes my good friend, (can I call you that?); Julie with her ‘Do You Own Your Writerdom’ question … and all hell broke loose. Below is what I wrote to that. It is self-explanatory.

Youth is a cruel time. For years I did not realize I only felt alive when I wrote. Because I thought my quest was for bigger things and wider worlds. Those worlds took my ‘tool kit’ away. Language. And showed me what it means to live when not alive. Then I labored for years to assembly a new one. And now here we are; at the exactly the same spot we set off from. Only the ‘tool kit’ is somewhat shabbier and I am old. Too old to care about the bigger things and the wider worlds … but not too old to care about being alive. Just for once. That is all.

Daniela

P.S. If there is anybody to ask, I would tell them I am a writer … what else is there to say?  Besides, I am too old to care. Old age is as kind as youth is cruel!

Then I looked up from my screen and the photo is what I saw. This also is a self-explanatory. Kaleidoscope over my ‘toolkit’.

Now, where is that memoir I have been writing for all those years … and is there any Riesling left?

Daniela

P.S. The old age is what you enter once your wounds become numerous … not when you hit the certain number.

Author: Daniela

Reader, Writer, Mother, Freethinker, Habitual Day Dreamer, Blogger - Sharing Ideas, Poetry, Prose, and Conversations on the Lantern Post!

22 thoughts on “Kaleidoscopes and Tool Kits”

  1. I’m so glad to have read this tonight.(I will try to keep this brief)..
    Words and placing them on a sheet of paper have been my world for as long as I can remember. They saved me from a black-holed marriage, introduced me to so many creative & beautiful writers and now that I am old (almost 52) I am at a place where I can really write my truth. Like you, I searched out there for life when all along it’s been in me. I am venturing forth on my own for the first time in 30 years to a new town (yes, that music town) and feel I will then be really free to live..words and all.

    I want you to know I think you are a very skilled writer (I don’t say that very often to people) and I look forward to seeing where your journey leads..

    Lynne

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    1. Dear Lynne,

      Thank you very, very much for your kindness and thoughtfulness. I admire you for what you are doing … and if I am capable of jealousy, I would be truly jealous of you moving to that music town … but since I never was capable of such feelings, all I truly feel is happiness for YOU! Well Done! I battled long and hard … poverty, war, loneliness, illness … phew! Even I can get tired. Only not for long! I have few things to attend to … and then will see you in that music town … I have few ideas; they involve lots of music and awaiting silvery dawns under jazz guitars …
      Take Care and Keep in Touch,
      Daniela

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  2. Dear Daniela, I think it is never too old to discover the new lands, which belong to you and no others. Time takes away our energy, but it could bring the wisdom, and everyone own the seed. Looking forward for inspiration from you!

    kc

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  3. Daniela,
    Thanks again for yet another wonderful post. My tool kit as you call it, was buried for all the years of my own black hole marriage, like the poster above. When it became evident that I needed to start using it again, or die a slow painful death, I decided to enter a screenplay contest out of the blue and locked myself away for a few days to put my short subject on paper. My then husband asked me in,his best condescending and snide voice “Do I get to read your “little book”?” HIs lack of respect for something that could make me whole again and happy for the first time in years, led to to put my pen to divorce papers almost immediately. No one will ever again tell me who or what I am or should be. You inspire me every time I visit your pages. Many thanks–Julie

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    1. Dear Julie,
      Your heart-felt comment really resonated with me. Actually, after reading it, I immediately went to your blog … I guess it is a cyber-equivalent of meeting for a cuppa at yours or mine! You said it so well … our ‘tool kits’ can, and unfortunately often are, buried under all sorts of ‘rubble’ … displacement, unhappiness … it is only when we dig them out again, that we truly realize depth of our sorrows. But then we rejoice like never before! Becuase what does not kill us – makes us stronger and more alive!
      I admire you for your brave stance.
      Thank you very much for reading and commenting,
      Daniela

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  4. Through a winding approach you must conclude that writing is still your salvation,your window to new worlds, and you will never be too old to care. I love this post. Thanks for sharing.

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  5. Hi Daniela, love this post. Glorious to see that you have found your path & what you truly love. Your time away from the ‘reasonable’ things in life is well spent! Especially enjoyed the line about spring sunshine being like an ‘over-excited puppy’.

    Enjoy what’s left of your precious weekend, Kim

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  6. your post continues to relive my desire to express in words and use this tool to keep the light in writing lantern. I remember this question on writing, specifically fiction: which is a fiction? we or the things we write? The words we express last much longer than us. I guess, it will keep us youthful.

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    1. Hi,
      Thank you very much for our visit and comment. And please keep the light on in the writing lantern, such a lovely expression! Some would say that both are fiction; we in this transient world and the things we write … and they would be probably right.
      Kind Regards,
      Daniela

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  7. Hi Daniela. Lovely post. I have been writing my thoughts for years in journals as a way of expressing my emotions but now have found a new clarity with writing a blog. I am blown away with all the people out there who have so many great ideas, funny thoughts and lovely blogs. It’s like a whole other world out there in cyberspace and it is wonderful to feel a connection to other like minds. It has certainly saved me from a pit of boredom and sadness and released thoughts that had been floating around in my head aimlessly. Here’s to the joys of writing,blogging and making new friends at the same time. By the way, I am probably older than most of those commenting, but can still feel moments of pure joy in small things. It is not how old we are that matters, but how old we feel.

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    1. You described it so vividly and so well exactly how I am feeling about blogging! It has saved me in so many ways too … thank you so much!
      Thank you very much for visiting and commenting,
      And may I just say … ‘old’ or ‘young’ for that matter is a state of mind rather than a number!
      Kind Regards,
      Daniela

      Like

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